Wow! I have eaten a TON today!
I think my metabolism is really amped from hiking Saturday and Sunday, and also hitting the gym for an 1hr 1/2 Sunday too.
I didn't go last night since it was pretty late and I was getting tired, but I'll be going tonight.
I just get really tired of having to constantly eat, hopefully it slows down a bit.

So far this is what today has looked like:

7:20am - Fresh juice: 2 celery stalks, one Persian cucumber, 2 mini Jonathon apples, one large red beet with greens, 2 Valencia oranges, one prickly pear fruit, and roughly 5 carrots.  

8:10 - 3 almond/honey/cacao/coconut balls (about the size of a quarter, but thick as a ball shape)

9:10am - bunch of grapes

*then I consumed all this with about an hour spaced in between each meal- 2 peaches, more bunch of grapes, some dried cranberries, two cups of tea in between all this, and just finished about 3 1/2 mangos.
~
I hate feeling full of liquid and water but then I go pee about 30min to an hour after eating. Then it's like I'm hungry again!
So annoying.
~
Had a very eventful weekend! Heard from a lost friend and worked on rebuilding that friendship (over drinks:), spend lots of time hanging out with my roommate, who I absolutely love and is so awesome! (now I'm eating raw edamame with some Himalayan salt..) we hiked both Saturday morning and then Sunday evening, and actually got stuck up on the mountain in the dark because we timed the sunset wrong..but we eventually made it out :). Then after Saturday's hike we hit up a farmer's market nearby that I've been wanting to go to for so long and of course, I went produce crazy because everything looked so beautiful and delicious! Also had a close encounter with my Canadian ex (who was super psycho!) at whole foods Sunday night when my roommate and I were shopping. Dodged him as he was coming out of the aisle and I quickly pulled her in. Very eventful!
~
Just received word not too long ago that the internet at my place is up! Now I'll be able to blog more frequently and put up photos as well!

i want to tell you that i love you.

how happy i was to hear from you.

i had pushed you out of my mind, you were gone from my life.

you caught me off guard with your message.

happily i climbed out of bed to get dressed to see you.

i couldn't breathe while driving.

how will we greet?

did you feel the passionate energy when we first saw each other?

i can't even look into your eyes without melting.

i want to hold your face gently, kiss you softly,

tenderly.

i was ready to give it all up to you that night.

i figured if this is the last chance there is i shall take it.

i wanted to kiss you passionately so bad, but wasn't sure if that would cross the line.

yet i felt that was what you wanted too, but i hugged you instead.

i'm so glad you're back

i see a change in your eyes; you look happier.

i want to make you happy.

your face is so beautiful.

i love tracing the lines you call age with my eyes.

i can barely hold gaze with yours.

i become lost, i feel myself blush.

i love your hearty laugh, so rare and golden.

don't disappear on me again, please.

i want to heal you with love.

i want to make you happy.

Argh Argh Argh!

So tired of feeling fat and frumpy.

I just love food too much.

But that's raw food for you.

Which is nice because it's really not contributing to my weight problem.

It's actually helping me prevent from gaining weight.

It's all the weight I gained a year ago that I'm trying to get rid of.

So now it's 24hr Fitness to whip my ass back in shape!

Because sadly I've had no time for exercise.

With moving and starting up night school and trying to unpack..

Excuses, Excuses.

My self-motivation for 'at home workouts' is not working.

And doing laps at the complex pool is like swimming in warm piss water.

Not really pleasant at 5am.

~

I really want to host like a scrabble or game night!

I think that would be so much fun!

With drinks of course ;)

off-day

have you ever felt so not put together?
~
woke up at 4:30am again with zero energy for any type of exercise.
disappointed.
I'm buying those Nike Free's today, hope they give me some nudgin' and a pushin' for working out.
I would like to lose some more weight.
~
I was quite surprised and proud of my drawing last night in class. It was pretty awesome to see every one's unique style interpretation of the nude model.
Yes Nude.
It's art!

Oh Fair Trade...

How I love thee and thy vegan cookies.
But this semi-healthy bad addiction is eating up my wallet.
And if I don't stop these 3-at-a-time pit-stops, you will enlarge my waste size as well.
But you're Veee-gan!
It has become quite an awkward embarrassment now as the cashiers seem to recognize my face and as I quickly say "3 vegan cookies please" they always have to repeat louder, "How many?"
I feel like I'm being called out here now.
But whatever! I exercise, and these are the only non-raw indulgences I have.
~
Time to sift through this massive September Vogue issue and W magazine that are patiently waiting for me to read.

Moved

Moved all weekend to my new place in Central Phoenix.

I am loving being closer to everything and everyone and not having to drive 20 miles on way to get to something. 

Off to unpack some more.

Hello

I've been neglecting this blog. Purposefully and unintentionally at the same time. So many things have been going on in life that come the end of the night I just want to hit the sack rather than blog.

Over the past month at work I've been pouring over other blogs regarding fashion, photography, food, vintage, and bohemian lifestyles. All are what I love in life and they have inspired me beyond anything else that has this year so far.

I've decided to go on a new direction with this blog.

Start over fresh.

Reading over past entries I see a person who I am not, and one who I dislike.

2010 has been one of the most challenging and hardest years that I can remember ever experiencing.

It has felt downhill since December 31st 2009 up until maybe about a week ago or so.

Actually, I don't even know if I can say that.

All I know is that yesterday, and today have felt like the first two days of a new life.

Cheesy and cliche, yes, I know, but this is really what it feels like.

In January I lost myself.

In February my soul died.

In April I experienced a life changing event, even if it was only temporarily, but a life changing event can cause you to lose yourself even further than how much you've already lost.

Yesterday I felt alive and repaired, a clean slate and a new life.

Many positive things have occurred also during this year, and some were results from the negative parts I experienced.

All I can say is now I know where I'm going. Who I am, who I'm going to be, and who I will not be, and who I will not surround myself with.

I've learned that cutting ties is the best thing one can do for oneself. Otherwise staying connected will hurt even more.

My heart has ached more giving and giving and barely being acknowledged.

I've learned that sometimes silence is the mend to all things.

Distance keeps me sane, let's me be who I really am.

This blog will now be about my goals, aspirations, artwork, fashion, knowledge gained, and second-hand thrift finds.

So I'll just start! As I've been very eager to start this, but also procrastinating. Here are some current goals:

*buy a sewing machine*

*order Polaroid film and start using those cameras*

*start a raised boxed garden on my patio (or at least an herb garden if there's not enough space)*

*lose those 15 lbs - I'm not setting a date because that will only cause stress. Just making it a daily work in progress.*

*begin my mini raw dessert company!*

*find a second part-time weekend-only job (one that I truly enjoy and WANT to do)*

*buy a bike for commuting*

*shop at the farmer's market as much as possible*

*reduce my grocery and food intake (save some muu-lah!)*

*find an easel*

*finish painting wooden rocking chair and sell it*

*find frames for fashion photos*

*find a good quality photo and negative film scanner*

*blog more regularly (wink)*

*surround myself with positive people and energy, eliminate those who are negative*

*use my yoga certificate*

*swim laps daily, even if that's all I do for exercise that day*

*read more often*

*make that trip to Jerome for my tattoo*

*right tragus piercing*

*apply to CCA*

*move out of state*

*be more responsible - but continue taking life not so seriously*

*stay focused on school this semester*

*take more weekend trips*

Ok, so I know that's a pretty long goal list so far, and some of those wont happen realistically until some time has passed and other goals are accomplished beforehand, but this is my motivation!

I just love freshly washed and styled hair. Feels so silky running through finga's...

Except that's not today because I went to swim laps at the pool last night and was home around 12:40am and decided to eat some watermelon rather than shower and then crashed out.

I really meant to wash it this morning, I swear, but I was so exhausted I woke up 45 minutes before I had to run out the door that I threw it up in a messy curly bun.

It's ok though, I'm doing more laps tonight.

the sickness

I miss You most when I feel sad and alone

although that doesn't matter now.

-

One can seriously play one degree of separation between us.

I'm constantly reminded of You.

-

But why should I give a fuck anymore?

You can only rack my brain and give nothing more.

I don't want to take less.

Sometimes the fact that I just think of you fills this empty void.

And then I dream..

~

I went to visit my family after work today

then I left because I couldn't breathe.

How can one be happy in an environment pushing negativity in every which way?

~

I always have trouble sleeping.

~

I'm so tired of pain.

emotionally, mentally, and physically.

every place that bends seems to ache and hurt with pain.

and all I can do about it is say FUCK.

all this pain is new, since April at least.

I'm tired of feeling broken and cripple at the age of 22.

I couldn't even workout tonight because the foot that felt normal yesterday

feels way fucked up today

and for no reason at all it seems.

mid-day daydreams whilst working

listening to Arcade Fire - Funeral album. ~

why didn't I discover them sooner?!

- and to know that they just had a show here and I didn't go... I must admit that I am a late bloomer sometimes when it comes to discovering music.

- What I want to DO:

Blondie is just so classic glam/rock I wish I was brave enough to do this last style - I love it!

I need an appearance change, and lately peroxide blonde has been calling out to me.

I would also love to just chop it off to a pixie cut

but when I last cut my hair for my Identity Crisis it turned out awful

and just made me feel uglier.

I need to lose 10lbs otherwise short hair does not look good on me

and only makes me look heavier.

~

what makes me sad:

-

running out of fruit and veggies

-

people who feel they have a right to raise their voice at me

for no particular reason

-

spilling tea, it seems every day at least, on myself.

--------

I'm in love with these people!

backyardBill

thanks to Marmunia

her blog is full of wonderful links!

I've spent the past three days pouring over these photos

how I wish I could meet some of them.

~

I hope to be able to get my camera soon.

I'm dying to start up my business.

my genres:

music, travel, portrait, and I think I do want to get back into fashion.

long day, fast day

knee pain is not fun.

nor is trying to walk and every step vibrates into your kneecap, sending shock waves of hollowness,

nothing inside to absorb it.

I'm too young to have deteriorating legs.

-

I looked into acupressure, or acupuncture, one of the two.

I'll schedule an appointment for this weekend, hopefully.

-

vibrams helped,

but I haven't been able to get in good workouts for over two weeks now because of my class.

studying robbed me of exercise,

but I'll be back in the gym tonight,

because as strange as it may sound, I think having not been able to consistently exercise is contributing to this pain.

-

I've spent all day browsing online.

it feels good to be stress-free.

-

how I'd love to decorate my place with some Scandinavian Grace

but these lovely things are a bit much.

but I am going to get myself that black basket for my bike

(when I get that too).

how I'd love it if my older sister had a baby so I could bundle him up in this adorable seal pelt!

-

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y-!

Done with the class!

Oh, how I procrastinate...

but I am very proud of myself that I killed two classes I needed this summer, seeing as how I got screwed over last semester..

-

Now I will have more time to dedicate to this blog!

-

Sunday I met this Lovely:

-

She was the fresh breeze much needed from the East.

We met at Fair Trade.

And talked and talked.

Life was just spilling out, yet it all felt so normal,

as if we had met before but never have.

I needed her that day.

She had been roaming the streets all day since she had arrived from New York.

The minute I saw her I envied her hiking pack and backpack ~ clearly a traveler.

She is the living being of what my soul desires to do.

How I wish I could have dropped everything and taken up her offer to trip it to L.A.

We talked for a couple hours then I drove her to the show she came to see.

-

Queefermadness

found later in my car:

-

hot damn!

500 calories a day

3 weeks

32 lbs

Shiiit.

-

The puzzle pieces fit today, in everything

I told Melissa I would move into her place

She's the cutest thing ever!

I have a feeling I will definitely grow to love her and become good friends.

And I'm so excited for a change!

-

It rattles my bones when I'm stationary for too long.

Crossed another goal off my list!

Wishin' I was Anywhere but Here..

I felt like a mess today.

Not a hot mess,

although that has been lacking significantly...

Life's just been feeling real messy.

-

I listened to Slowdive on my drive to work and thought of Mike.

I put the cd in knowing I would think of Mike.

It worked.

-

Everything's been feeling out of place,

this is a sign.

-

I found a place, I think.

I really like Her, the space, the room

I think it can work.

$10 bucks more than what I'm paying now, but the costs overall will go down significantly given that I won't be driving 30 miles every fucking day.

And no more 51!

Laundromat is outdoors.

No more midnight spins.

-

This is the result from becoming so fucking broke that maybe not being able to buy food will help me get skinny.

because I sure fucking need the help as eating only fruits and veggies and working out my ass every day/other day doesn't seem to help.

I have seen improvement

I'm just bitter over others who happily down gallons of ice cream knowing it won't sit on their Ass.

-

And I've been starving it feels

but not really because I KNOW what it feels like to fucking starve.

but I just want to consume anything and everything and these intense cravings and desires build up inside driving me fucking mad but then when it comes down to actually fulfilling my fucking wishes I just can't come to shove shit in my mouth.

I'm not an emotional eater.

-

Goals:

finish volunteer application for Free Arts,

get student loan to begin Yoga teacher program,

finish this Rio class with an AAAA,

MOVE.

-

Marmunia is the cutest thang ever.

I wish I lived in Seattle.

Or Chicago or Oakland could work right now.

-

Oakland I think.

I feel that's more Me.

relaxing Sunday

Drove all the way into Phoenix just for Fair Trade Cafe's vegan goodies.

I've been craving those chocolate chip cookies, and today I let myself cheat off raw for the day and indulge in them, and some house-made hummus.

-

I was only able to do 3 miles today (in about 38-something minutes).

My calves were hurting like hell.

And my feet.

I love running in Vibrams though.

I feel weightless, as if I can run forever.

I did make it to speed 6.0 today, and 5.6 and 5.8 were pretty comfortable to run in for about 1/2 mile at a time.

But then the calves start to bitch, and I must slow the speed a little.

Tomorrow I shall rest from running.

-

Off to study.

I hate how I procrastinate so much...