Went hiking with my Italian yesterday. However I was being grouchy and moody, everything seemed to irritate me before and after the hike. I would like to call it post-period depression. I never pms before or during my period, but at least once a month I have this really unusually off day where I am feeling so unhappy and want to quite everything I'm involved in. However you force on through what needs to get done that day, resulting in me feeling happy by the time the day is done.

image from the collection of National Galleries of Scotland

Anyways, on our descent down from the mountain i pass this beautiful couple, the man extending his hand to help the lady, who is pregnant, a good 5-6 months it looks, as she slowly descends the mountain as well. She was gorgeous, glowing, and looking ever so beautiful with a swollen belly. I couldn't help resisting and told her so. Her thank you was so happy. Every time I see pregnant bellies on woman who are at an appropriate age for pregnancy (not a teen-mama supporter), I immediately begin to think of my future pregnancies. Most times it results in feelings of wanting to live in that moment now, in this present. I am so excited for the day when I will have a protruding belly. I know it's not at all as glamorous and sometimes the media, or magazines make it out to be, but I think it is still glamorous in it's own rights of creating a human life with someone you love. To seal a little bit of me, and a little bit of You into one egg and experience it grow, to me seems to be an experience I would have a loss of words for. Not even You will know the deepest secrets only I will experience in my pregnancies. The waking moments of realism as a creation is weaved inside me. Lately I find myself day dreaming of part-Italian children. I think they would look beautiful. How I wish that someday I will have your Italian children. How I wish to tell you this.

Today I dashed home during my lunch to create a soup:

• rice noodles (pad Thai size), about 1/2 cup vegetable broth, 1 cup mushroom broth, then water to the brim, some carrots, shitake mushrooms, sweet onion, cilantro, collard greens, and pepper, dash of Himalayan salt, and some oregano.

Delicious but bland I say. I will still eat bland, food is more about eating a variety of proper nutrients to me rather than eat to enjoy amazing tastes, although that would be a perk + to healthy foods. By the end of my second bowl, I was starting to scoop up broth in my spoon when I don't know how, but the entire bowl tipped over and landed on my dress and leggings. Luckily the leggings absorbed most of the spill, but how sad! I am so clumsy, I don't know how I do it, but it is quite an embarrassment to be seen spilling things all the time.

I Feel Really Happy

For now at the moment at least. :)

I just finished the entire Chipotle veggie salad bowl I picked up for lunch and two tortillas. Insane!
I've never finished off an entire bowl and not feel stuffed.
But I hadn't eaten since like 6:30pm of yesterday when I ate a light dinner because I had decided that today for lunch it would be OK to eat a vegan cooked meal today.

As much as I try and stick to a 100% raw diet, I do believe and have learned with time that life needs to be enjoyable in all aspects. And if one day I'm somewhere and offered a vegan chocolate-chip cookie, then damn straight I will eat that cookie. I believe in indulgences. It keeps you sane. Otherwise it's chaotic madness in your brain because you want something so badly and you keep telling yourself no, which I've actually learned makes you want it even more. It's OK to say yes to things at times. Sometimes just telling myself, Yes, I can eat this, will make me no longer want it.
People usually want the forbidden. So just allow it.

Plus I was OK with eating Chipotle for lunch because not only will it get rid of my craving, but I will be working out after class this evening, so I'll have the opportunity to burn all the calories I've consumed today.

I've been feeling really creative and full of inspiration lately. More so than normal I should say at least.
Here's a list of projects I want to start or already am in the middle of:

• finish burning all my cd's into my iTunes and file them away in my new cd mass-case
• photograph for my portfolio
• submit my application to the California College of Arts, The Art Institute of Chicago, and The Academy of Art University by January (including my portfolio)
• finish painting and sanding my wooden rocking chair
• finish decorating the walls of my room
• finish all hand-washing laundry
• begin re-designing the living room
• begin spray painting the coffee table that will be moved out to the patio. Add a tile mosaic surface after painting.
• build resume
• finish reading The Town and The City by Jack Kerouac
• Finish reading STIFF: the curious lives of human cadavers by Mary Roach
• get past the introduction of and finish reading Moments of Being by Virginia Woolf
• go to Jerome to visit Cody to discuss my tattoo
• get my right tragus pierced
• buy Nike Free's and start trail running
• sign up for the PF Chang's Rock n' Roll 1/2 Marathon in January
• order polaroid film
• photograph and sell my vintage TOD's purse on Ebay
• buy a bike light
• apply for a second weekend job
• take out roomie's sewing machine and start a new project.
• put together a drawing folder
• organize photo folders
• gather You reminders to ship off to photographer
• buy my Built to Spill, Pepper, & Godsmack ticket!
• find a used copy of my English textbook

Whew! Quite a list! But I love seeing long lists of things to accomplish because it really motivates you to get them done within a time frame, which usually excites me to start/finish the next goal. I was up until 1:30am last night working on copying music to my iTunes. Thank you rain for cancelling my class and plans for the evening, otherwise I don't know when I would have started that project!

Turned in my first portfolio for life drawing. I was short one gesture, which I along with others had misunderstood what she exactly was requesting, so I received an entire letter grade lower. a B. I'll post photos a bit later of my work! I'm actually quite proud of how well the came out (to my standards at least).

I came across a nasty article Marie Claire magazine wrote up on 6 foodie & exercise bloggers, claiming they are unhealthy, promoting unhealthy eating through their blogs, and that they have or had an eating/mental disorder regarding food at some point. After reading the article I clicked the link to one of the bloggers to find out for myself. Here she is, Caitlin, and I actually like her blog and think her eating habits are quite healthy for her and enjoy reading about her running experiences. So thank you, I guess, Marie Claire, because your bashing made me curios and turned me on to a new blog!

Here's the Marie Claire article if you're interested.
After reading it I could tell that Marie Claire is just jealous of the healthy eating habits of regular exercisers ;)

days & days on end..

I think about writing, but then the thought just makes me lazy about it.

~

I wish I could be that Lady now:

where I am when I'm 30

after my schooling is over

I've started living my career as a photographer

I'm married

I'm where I want to be.

The road to getting there is long and at times tough and lonely.

~

I need to focus, FOCUS.

Be a better student.

~

I need my wisdom teeth pulled out.

Tooth sensitivity sucks.

~

I've been enjoying reading more than anything lately.

I want to read the entire Dr. Eliot's Harvard Classics collection.

I like feeling smart.

~

Next weekend I road trip out to California for The Black Keys back to back!

~

OH! 

and I had THE BEST shopping experience of Goodwill in my life so far!

Scored about 25 items all for $86, which I slightly felt guilty about..

but c'mon, when you buy what I bought at Goodwill, there's no way you can feel guilty about it.

Plus it was 50% off day - can't beat that!

a BCBG trench coat

Banana Republic Dress

Anne Taylor 'Barbie' Dress

Cuban leather school girl sandals

Blue retro Keds

Retro red and pink Nike's

Sequined blue dress

Straw Hat

Wool blue hat

purse

large white canvas carry-on

4 flower tea cups (British style)

Pink Pumps

grey wool skirt

a black coat

a brown 'camel hair' coat

an exact replica of my old favorite red velvet coat that was cut off of me when I was strapped down to a stretcher in the hospital after my first accident/rollover. 

So pissed they did that...

SO MUCH GOOD STUFF!!

~

Pictures will come later, I'll have to wait for the weekend to post.

~

I finally tried America's Taco Shop

had a bean burrito with some pico and avocado slices in it,

So Good, all vegan but still made me feel like total shit and made my body retreat into a downer mood.

Trying to get out of that.

I should have never got it but I caved in for some carbs after weeks of intense workouts.

But I just feel it back-fired all the progress I had made.

Oh well now I guess, I just keep trudging along with those workouts.

I've definitely lost weight since last summer and am feeling better than ever though, so that goes to prove that all those calories burned have been good for something!

Oh Fair Trade...

How I love thee and thy vegan cookies.
But this semi-healthy bad addiction is eating up my wallet.
And if I don't stop these 3-at-a-time pit-stops, you will enlarge my waste size as well.
But you're Veee-gan!
It has become quite an awkward embarrassment now as the cashiers seem to recognize my face and as I quickly say "3 vegan cookies please" they always have to repeat louder, "How many?"
I feel like I'm being called out here now.
But whatever! I exercise, and these are the only non-raw indulgences I have.
~
Time to sift through this massive September Vogue issue and W magazine that are patiently waiting for me to read.