Norwegian Wood

image via Metro Times

I finally have finished reading this tonight. This has been a beautiful, hauntingly disturbing read.

~

~

Paintings by Jake Walker

cafe actually

Sometimes I feel lost and don’t know why I do, but I am. 

Life is not an easy thing to navigate. There are compromises to make, promises to break, selfishness to take and lead you on forward to your desires and dreams and goals. And sometimes it feels like no one can join you on that path and that it is only you. And sometimes you feel like you are bound to be alone in life. Maybe too anal, too OCD for someone else to take on the challenge of loving you like that. Maybe you are really the crazy one and you now appreciate everyone calling you that. And maybe you’ve known all along that you were that crazy one. You really knew you were crazy! And all you want to do is live life to the fullest and not let anyone get in your way. And sometimes you’re selfish and wish things could just be handed down to you out of the sky - but you have to work. And aw shucks! working sometimes sucks, but don’t they say the fruits of your labors are the best part? And then you’re lost because then you think well I can’t do fucking shit. But oh yes you can! You are talented and you know, and you believe in yourself that you will be successful one day. But the bottom line is, how can I start all this? And this is why you are lost.

It's been a very long time since I last posted.

I lost my job. Laid-off to be exact. Found a new one, which I'll start up on Wednesday.
Moved out of my roomed apartment and moved in with my Italian.
If I have not already posted this somewhere, I'm moving to Oakland for CCA in the fall. So now that I lost my job, that kind of works out nice as we can now either move in July or August, depending on the terms of the lease we will sign.

Tonight, sadness and loneliness have inspired this post. My Italian has been upset at me as of yesterday because I ditched out on Comicon (sorry! that's just not my kind of thing!). I spent today lounging by the pool, a run, the gym, some cooking, reading, another segment of the movie I've been watching (I have to watch in pieces), and all this time, I am constantly thinking of him, waiting for him to come home. It'll be a late night, according to him, these comicon people rave and party like no other!

There are so many things I want to start, so many new projects, but I feel as if I have no desire to do anything but read. I'm trying to finish up Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. An amazing novel that was outlawed in Japan in the 60's for being too erotic (which by far is!), and not until many years after it's first release was it allowed an Americanized version for distribution. Almost finished!

Today during my daily reading of Marmunia, Aly posted this quote (hope you don't mind I borrowed):

To feel confident and successful is not natural for the artist. To feel insufficient, to experience disappointment and defeat in waiting for inspiration is the natural state of mind for an artist. As a result, praise to most artists is a little embarrassing. They cannot take credit for inspiration, for we can see perfectly, but we cannot do perfectly. Many artists live socially without disturbance to mind, but others must live the inner experience of mind, a solitary way of living. - Agnes Martin

Reading this washes sadness over my soul, yet again, as I personally feel and agree with what Agnes has to say.

~

On a lighter note, I feel really glad and personally satisfied with the achievement of having some influence at work to do good in other cities.

~

Excited and anxious for our move to Oakland. I have been admitted into CCA. Although I knew this in March, I am posting now because I've been a bit somewhat lazy to post.

I'm loving you more with each new day.

how many people withhold sex from your partner?

~

please, speak your thoughts.

anxious anxious

This will be arriving in the mail for me sometime soon.

~

~

It was created by jeweler Julie Nolan, who also has more beautiful work in her shop.

~

Last night the Italian and I visited Amococo at the Mesa Arts Center. This exhibit was only constructed for a two week period display and resembled a giant bouncy castle from the outside, but a living, breathing organ from within. With the many different passages, and the colors of blue, red, and green in abundance, I felt I was traveling through a vein, waiting for the rush of blood to be pumped through. Accompanying the sculpture was soothing, hypnotic music. The only thing I felt lacking in the sounds gliding through the tunnels were whale calls.

~

image via Imnop blog

~
You can watch a video on it here.