9.16.2010

How do you escape a ghost from your past?
This dark shadow hoovers and clings to my back,
Refusing to let me go.
-
Everyone talks to me about You.
Like I care anymore though!
I've learned to not care and even hate Your being for shelter for myself.
It all has felt like a slap in the face,
A bitch slap who's sting has lasted for 3 years.
-
Are you going to go see Their show tonight?
No I'm not going to fucking go to Their show.
-
You never escape my mind regardless.
And as much as I want to and long to see you play again,
I would only be stabbing myself with a thousand deaths once more if I'm to see you again.
Especially with You're new love, even though I've been told you talk about me from time to time.
-
What the fuck does this all mean??
I'm someone who believes in meanings behind events in life..
-
It feels like I'll never live this down.
I feel like I've brought this all upon myself
I two-timed,
But then at times it feels life plays it's course for a reason,
And I try and be optimistic and believe in this.
But You really are the underlying conscience to every single thought that exists in my mind.

days & days on end..

I think about writing, but then the thought just makes me lazy about it.
~
I wish I could be that Lady now:
where I am when I'm 30
after my schooling is over
I've started living my career as a photographer
I'm married
I'm where I want to be.
The road to getting there is long and at times tough and lonely.
~
I need to focus, FOCUS.
Be a better student.
~
I need my wisdom teeth pulled out.
Tooth sensitivity sucks.
~
I've been enjoying reading more than anything lately.
I want to read the entire Dr. Eliot's Harvard Classics collection.
I like feeling smart.
~
Next weekend I road trip out to California for The Black Keys back to back!
~
OH! 
and I had THE BEST shopping experience of Goodwill in my life so far!
Scored about 25 items all for $86, which I slightly felt guilty about..
but c'mon, when you buy what I bought at Goodwill, there's no way you can feel guilty about it.
Plus it was 50% off day - can't beat that!
a BCBG trench coat
Banana Republic Dress
Anne Taylor 'Barbie' Dress
Cuban leather school girl sandals
Blue retro Keds
Retro red and pink Nike's
Sequined blue dress
Straw Hat
Wool blue hat
purse
large white canvas carry-on
4 flower tea cups (British style)
Pink Pumps
grey wool skirt
a black coat
a brown 'camel hair' coat
an exact replica of my old favorite red velvet coat that was cut off of me when I was strapped down to a stretcher in the hospital after my first accident/rollover. 
So pissed they did that...
SO MUCH GOOD STUFF!!
~
Pictures will come later, I'll have to wait for the weekend to post.
~
I finally tried America's Taco Shop
had a bean burrito with some pico and avocado slices in it,
So Good, all vegan but still made me feel like total shit and made my body retreat into a downer mood.
Trying to get out of that.
I should have never got it but I caved in for some carbs after weeks of intense workouts.
But I just feel it back-fired all the progress I had made.
Oh well now I guess, I just keep trudging along with those workouts.
I've definitely lost weight since last summer and am feeling better than ever though, so that goes to prove that all those calories burned have been good for something!

9.10.2010

this is not a pity-post, but the honest truth.

I have been feeling sad.
A lot lately.
I have had no desire to blog.
Or do anything that I usually enjoy.

I hope to see a counselor soon on depression and anxiety.
I have had it for years, and constantly drift in and out of it.
It's no fun.

9.01.2010

Mango Overload

I've consumed 9 mangos in three days.
That's a lot of mango!
I have been feeling my best in over a year - health/nutritional wise.
Absolutely no cooked cravings anymore whatsoever!
Not even vegan chocolate chip cookies :)
This past weekend we went to Olive Garden for my sister's birthday and I didn't even feel anything for all the food that was laid out in front of me.
I just sipped my British Earl tea (that's what it was really called, not trying to be fancy here).
~
This past Saturday I also went to the farmer's market with my roommate and bought everything and more that I would normally buy at Whole Foods for half the price!
I'm trying to hold off on buying more food from the store so that I can shop the market again :)
~
Here are some lovely pictures of Vermont.
I hope to live her someday with my hubby - or lover, or life-partner, whatever it will be called, with that Someone.
Oh how I wish AZ had this beautiful fall weather!
(actually I'll have to post these photos a bit later, got to go!)